FILK: I Want to Wake Up Now

[newtraileverytime]

MEDIA: Filk (audio and text)
PROMPT: trope_bingo; genderswap

ORIGINAL SONG: We Are Young
SUMMARY: "My body's wrong and I can't tell what the hell is going on." What happens when everything changes in a way you never wanted? A meltdown set to "We Are Young".
CONTENT NOTES/WARNING: Potential triggers for disconnect between physical sex and gender identity. Please take heed of notes below if this may be problematic for you. Strong, repeated cursing (both in text and audio).

CREATOR'S NOTES: Please read this if gender identity issues have any chance of triggering you. Though it was not my initial intention, this ended up a sort of meditation on the complaint that genderswap takes the idea of suddenly waking up in the wrong body too lightly. There is no fix-it ending here; essentially, at the end of this song, the narrator is trans with a massive disconnect between what they physical have become and what they think their body should be, and the majority of the song deals with the desire to be a gender you physically are not.
Please don't read/listen if this triggers you. On the other side, if you find something problematic in this filk, please contact me somehow and let me know. Thank you.

On a much lighter note I apologize for the recording of this -- it is the song I was least familiar with, and with the most difficult rhythm, and it shows, but I wanted to have an audio version available.

LISTEN: box.net (listen online or download) (instrumental from here)

Give me a second I, I don't think that I'm all awake
There's something very wrong and I can't seem to get my eyesight straight
My lover's in the bedroom looking like the night before
My body's wrong and I can't tell what the hell is going on and
I know it has to be that milk was old, I know it has to be a dream
But between the pinch, the slap, the scream, the headache and the eyestrain
I'm starting now to think it's real

So if by the time my eyes open
I've still got the wrong parts then
I'm going to shout

Okay -- what the fuck?
I will set someone on fire
If they try to admire what's been done
Okay -- what the fuck?
This body is not mine and I
I want to wake up now, it's all wrong

Now I know that I was wrong to piss off
A magic man, in his home
If I knew I'd wake up this way, I would not
But I'll make amends, yes, I'll make a friend
Hey, what do you mean you can't find his home?

Okay, now I'm done
I want to wake up from the nightmare
I want to be myself, I'm not home
Time goes, and I know
That there's no way I can fix it
Guess I'll learn to live with what he's done

Want to go home tonight
Please carry my weight tonight
Nothing ever feels right
Just carry my weight tonight

The world turns on its side
I have nowhere I can run
Can't leave myself behind
Hold onto me tonight
The answer never arrived
There's no way I can find it
Can't leave this dream behind
Hold onto me--

It's done, what's been done
No way to wake up from the nightmare
Guess I'll learn to live with what he's done
Time goes, and I know
That there's no way I can fix it
I'll never be myself, never home

So if before even my eyes open
I feel like I could drown
Please hold on to me tonight